We’ve all heard the saying, “you can’t love another until you learn to love yourself.” As cliché as it is, behind every cliché there’s a grain of truth. In this case, that truth is the incredible importance of self-love. With Valentine’s Day around the corner it is easy to get caught up in worries about love and romance, but how often do we stop to consider how much we love ourselves? I think it is about time we did.
Ask you to be your valentine this year
When cupids are decorating every storefront and boxes of chocolate are flying off the shelves, it’s easy to wonder if you’ll be getting a treat this Valentine’s Day. But why not treat yourself? Whether you have a partner or are proudly single, Valentine’s Day is a great time to focus on what it is you love most about the people who are important to you. And on the top of that list should always be yourself.
Buy yourself some roses, light some candles, draw a bath, and take some time to appreciate what makes you great this holiday. Why not write yourself a love letter? You can open it and re-read it whenever you are having a bad day. These little reminders to ourselves can help us kick out negative self-talk and focus on self-love instead.
A day of self-love sounds great, but what about the rest of the year?
Like in any relationship, there are days when love comes easy and days where it is a bit more of a challenge. You are going to have days when you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see. There are going to be days when you wish you could escape your own company. So what do you do on those days? How do you keep self-love alive then?
Personally, I’ve made a mental list of the things that help me rekindle my self-love. If I wake up feeling particularly bad about myself, I go through that list. For me that list includes yoga, hiking, writing, and other things that help me clear out the negativity. The list will be different for everyone, but there is one thing that I do every time I feel my self-love wavering even a bit. I write down five things I love about myself. Not five things I like. Not five things I can stand. But five things I truly love about myself. Preferably five things I didn’t write down last time. This can help you break the patterns of negative self-talk and shift your brain back to self-love instead.
How can I fall in love with myself in the first place?
I used to suffer from severe depression and there was a point in my life where I truly despised myself. I heard others tell me to be kinder to myself, to love myself, but this was some vague concept as impossible as if they told me to grow an extra pair of hands. I refused to see any good in myself and let the negative self-talk that was constantly in my mind take over any positive self-thoughts that tried to make a breakthrough.
During this time my only saving grace was yoga. I went because I was convinced I wasn’t thin enough. I went because I wanted to look like the yogis on Instagram. But when I got there, I found something else. I found a group of men and women emanating love to everyone who walked through that door. I found a yoga teacher who preached compassion and appreciation, not just of those around us, but of our selves. I found a community where even my flaws were beautiful and a practice where I became more connected to myself than ever before.
We all learn to fall in love with ourselves in different ways. If you find it through yoga, great. If you find it somewhere else, that’s also wonderful. What matters is that you start looking. Take the time to get to know yourself more intimately than you ever have before. If you take the time to nurture that relationship, self-love is bound to come out of it.
