Is it just me, or does it seem like every yoga teacher’s theme for every class in autumn is gratitude? A few weeks ago, I was in a particularly tense pigeon pose. While my hips were begging me to stop, my yoga teacher was prattling on about how we should be grateful for our bodies, even when they felt tense and sore. That we should practice cultivating gratitude even when things are uncomfortable.
“I get it!” I wanted to scream, “it’s Thanksgiving season. Gratitude. Blah blah blah.” I was not feeling very grateful.
Then again, how could I? The past year has felt like a constant battle.
I’d struggled through graduate school–one of the most stress-inducing, exhausting experiences of my life. I’d worked for a company that disrespected and over-worked its employees. I’d lost a loved one to cancer.
And it all culminated in flying back to my parents’ house because I was in excruciating pain and none of the doctors in Edinburgh (where I’d been living at the time) could figure out why.
What did I have to be grateful for?
But the teacher just kept insisting that we should be cultivating gratitude.
“Try looking at things from a different perspective,” she suggested as we settled into pigeon on the other side. “Instead of focusing on the pain and tension, focus on the good. Consider what you have to be grateful for.”
At first, I rolled my eyes.
Then I took a deep breath and tried it. I scanned my mind in search of something to be grateful for. I started to look at the past year with a new perspective.
Graduate school had been incredibly difficult and, frankly, I don’t think it was the right fit for me. But I never would have known that if I hadn’t tried. And it gave me the opportunity to live in Edinburgh for a year, which is now my favorite city on Earth. Plus, the people I lived with are now lifelong friends and some of the best friends I’ve ever had.
The company I worked for in Edinburgh was awful. Every one of their employees got injured and sick because of how hard they worked us. If I’d stayed there any longer than I did, I think it would have broken me. But I didn’t. I quit. And I learned a lot about what I need from an employer. Now I’m working a job I love for a company I adore. And sometimes I honestly think my boss worries about my well-being more than I do.
I lost someone I love very much to cancer. And I still get choked up when I think about it. But I also smile whenever I think about her. She is one of the most inspiring, big-hearted people I know. The world may be a little darker without her in it, but my life will always be a little brighter for having known her.
I was not happy about leaving Edinburgh. I huffed and puffed the entire flight back to California. And then I got home. And my doctor diagnosed me with nerve damage the minute he examined me and sent me to a surgeon who had me in, out, and fixed in a matter of hours. The healing process has been relatively fast and I am already, just two months after surgery, almost back to 100 percent. This after being unable to stand up straight for months.
So, while it has been one of the more difficult years of my life, I guess there are still some things to be grateful for.
The stubborn side of me didn’t want to admit it, but my yoga teacher was right. Even when everything feels stressful, painful, and overwhelming… there is still a place for gratitude.
As the endlessly wise Dumbledore once said, “Happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light”.
I like to think of gratitude as that light. We can wallow in the pain and suffering and leave the lights off. It’s easy enough to do.
What’s much harder is to turn on the light.
In times of darkness, it’s hard to practice cultivating gratitude. But we need to let gratitude act as the light that illuminates the reasons we have for being happy, even when things are darker than ever.
For the past few months, I have been wallowing in that darkness. Which, I believe, is what I needed at the time. There was a lot of pain and anger in me and I needed to feel it before I could come out on the other side.
But I think I’m ready to turn on the light.
This holiday season, I am going to work on cultivating gratitude. After all, it is the season of Thanksgiving!
So, tell me… what are you grateful for?
About the Author
Sarah Dittmore is always seeking a new adventure. When she’s not barefoot hiking in the mountains of Peru, kayaking around an island off the coast of Italy, or camping in a rainforest in Costa Rica, Sarah writes about her adventures on her travel blog, Autobiography of an Adventurer. Join her as she travels the world and documents the wild and wonderful things she discovers along the way at www.autobiographyofanadvent
